비가 오는 날엔 나를 찾아와.
밤을 새워 괴롭히다

비가 그쳐가면 너도 따라서
서서히 조금씩 그쳐가겠지
Its raining tonight.
Happy 31st.
Love,
Shabana

On Rainy Days...

by on December 31, 2014
비가 오는 날엔 나를 찾아와. 밤을 새워 괴롭히다 비가 그쳐가면 너도 따라서 서서히 조금씩 그쳐가겠지 Its raining tonight. Happy 31st. Love, Shabana
We are all creatures of passion.
Passions that lead to cravings which are often so irresistible that we overlook the reality of things. The reality of satisfaction, comfort and the heaven we are confined in.
But as primitive as the whole idea of forbidden and sins are, we overlook, to a perhaps more satisfying flame of hell and horror but can we all forget the pleasure of doing so? I am obviously not talking of the original sin. But the more complicated sins of our life. The ambition, the restlessness, the drive and selfishness. The kindness concealed helplessly in our screams.
Cravings can make us crazy. But they can also makes us crazy successful and euphoric.
Nothing looks very white without the black. Something about the darker side is all the very more bearable depending on how bad your craving is.
When the same thing can make us feel like aliens and at the same time validates our sense of belonging.
I am not a very ambitious person, but I am deadly passionate. I have been very high and I have been very low. But why is fucking up so unacceptable anyway?
The perfection in fucking up is just too beautiful.
Can I encircle a single day on the yearly calender to celebrate the day I invite trouble with a smile?
Or is it passion, a simple craving or just another shitty thing?
Its too constricting but I've tried.
Everything you have, everything you are made to believe you have, might be gone in something as lame as an ambulance hitting you while you've been oh so careful.
Life is nothing if not a priceless book on shitty beautiful things.
Happy December 21st.
Fear, one of our very primary emotions. We all have our fears and while it might have saved us in a few instances, more often than not fear has gotten the better of us.
The fear to grab an opportunity that might throw us off the label of "mediocre", the fear of saying what we feel and deeply believe in, the fear of rising against a bully or one of those who are perceived as too good to be true. The fear of being against the "society". But isn't society just too many people living under the same fear?
The fear of loss. The fear of pain. The fear of rejection. The fear of change. The fear of not being a part of the herd. The fear of feeling alone in a world with over 7 billion population.
But when these fears engulf us, we are hardly the person we wish to be behind our own silhouettes.
Because being fearful also leads to- not being honest to ourselves and to the world.
When I began blogging, back in 2009, I had no fear of the virtual world. Though our parents always taught us the downfall of un-anonymity in the world wide web, I had found a place to express.
I never attacked anybody or been rude to anybody in direct, but I wrote what I felt and words can often take a plunge on you when they can we accessed worldwide. But what soon turned to fear before pressing the "publish" button, was not a person from another land reading my blog and being judgmental about my personal life and point of view. It was those very judgmental people who I met everyday at my classes.
Words can spread like wildfire and even though I was never the person scared to be open about my views on world, society, people in general or people in particular- the authorities and my peers got the better of me.
It turned out that if fear is not a part of your campaign, they would do anything induce it in you.
Anybody who knows me personally, can tell I don't veil my thoughts but I make sure I'm not rude or insulting to the people who haven't attacked me personally. So the outcome had been a few lost acquaintance, a few unveiled relationships, a deleted Facebook profile and a deleted personal blog.
But how do you ever lose acquaintances? And how do you ever lose relationships?
It will always be there, playing a role different than you had assumed.
At this point of my life, I have no regrets of expressing myself  and I have no regrets of being who I am today. I only regret the time that I did not.
The real outcome of the entire "phase" of life of the teenage girl would have been the fear that I lived with, a little part of me who tried to call being mistrusting as maturing. The fear of "If I said it, I might regret". Not doing what I felt and strongly believed because my peers don't think it's a great idea.
But I think the real maturing on my part took place eventually but not so gradually, years after those teenage dramas, was when I accepted the reality along with my unsubtle feelings. Feelings that had consumed me.
I lost my fear of self-expression, not entirely but definitely. As my fear of regret finally triumphed the other, I reached the point where I was happy that I had acknowledged my own thoughts and feelings.
Its easy to preach "Be yourself". Exactly how many times a day do we even come across this very overused quote!
But perhaps it is not that overused after all. Just rightly used. What does "Be Yourself" mean to you?
Which "yourself" should you be?
The best of you that smiles at the enemy and walks away. Or the you that faces situations right from your heart's calling, laying your heart out with vulnerability. It's not great to be either of them all the time.
But when you set your priorities without being scared of your peers, their peers, the society and their judgement- you win at life. Because then, you will treat your peers and the society better as you wont have that anger in you against them for having lost something you treasured or believed. Not taking your important life decisions yourself only leads to anger against your life companions who think they can decide and manipulate your thoughts for your betterment, if not their betterment.
But from a further point of view, isn't it your fault to let someone manipulate you in your own life?
Convenient things will always be convenient. Easy things will always be easy.
But if that's not what you desire, lets work it the inconvenient way. It might be difficult at first. 

When people take responsibilities of themselves as a whole, without having others drive their life around, both of them live better. You can only reach your full potential when all these cages are brought down. Because half a passion is worth nothing but dilemma.
"Without love there's no passion. Without passion there are no human."
It's not lack of codependency,its not lack of respect or obligation. Nobody else should be responsible of your life other than you, be it mistakes or not.
Rise against that bully, the friend, the acquaintance, the authority, the boss. Rise against them to be able to truly respect them. Rise against the fear that keeps you from all the possibilities of this world and your life.



In association with

https://www.facebook.com/mountaindewindia

FEAR.

by on December 13, 2014
Fear, one of our very primary emotions. We all have our fears and while it might have saved us in a few instances, more often than not fea...


If somebody told me last year "You'd be here" I'd smile.
I'd swear.
I'd walk away like I did not hear.
I've learned too many wonderful things this year.
I've found a great desire. I've found a great love. But they don't collide. They don't meet anywhere.